Wednesday, November 19, 2008

All Diva all the time!

In the true spirit of Canada Music Week I thought I would keep us laughing and poke a little fun at myself. At the School of Music we only have one photocopy machine for staff and faculty. The other day I found myself in a mad rush to get something copied and ran into a collegue and theorist friend...actually I jumped the the photocopy line as he was sorting his papers. Here is part of his hilarious response on how to deal with a diva!

hmmm, just a second - I'm thumbing through my grad school survival guide, which had a section devoted to dealing with sopranos... Ah, here we go:

step 1: "when dealing with a soprano make sure to validate her need to be the centre of the universe"

Hail mighty diva of song, I, a lowly theorist, am humbled in your presence.

step 2: "acknowledge her inherent right to appropriate any communal resource"

It is with a sense of humility that I relinquish any right to use of the photocopier.

step 3: "every so gently try to encourage the soprano to entertain the notion that, while any communal resource is hers to use at all times, it would make her look magnanimous and add to her appeal as a singing luminary if she were to share the
resource with others"

People throughout the School of Music, while dazzled with the dulcet tones of your voice are even more in awe of your exeeding generosity as you share the photocopier with an inconsequential theorist.

step 4: "be prepared for the soprano to initially refuse this request (if she were to give in too quickly she might appear agreeable, which does not help sustain the mystique of the diva; however, after repeated attempts - a dozen is typical - she will eventually acquiesce because there is usually another shiny object that has tickled her fancy. Notwithstanding, ensure to lie prostrate and pledge your undying devotion whenever she comes to the photocopy room."

Hail mighty diva of song, thank you for allowing me, a miniscule theorist, to be allowed the highest privilege of being in your presence and sharing the photocopier. Unworthy as I am of such graces, I pledge my fealty to you and your golden voice. Hail might diva of song!"

It's a good thing I kept this guide and highlighted it - I have a feeling I will need it for years to come!

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